I am owed nothing.

Rusty and I were talking about how lately we've heard a little more talk than usual about how people feel they deserve more or deserve better.  The funny thing is that if we were really given what we deserve, it wouldn't be pretty.  Thanfully (so thankful) we don't get what we deserve.  We get grace.  We get love and forgiveness.

In thinking more about this friend dealing with illness, I get a knot in my stomach.  Because I know that God doesn't owe us anything.  Our version of "good" or an answer to prayer would be sudden and total healing and a long life here on this earth.  But God exists in a bigger reality where the whole picture is available whereas we're only seeing the view from where we are at any given time and place.  That's scary!  It's sobering to say one minute, "God is good.  All the time."  And to really, honestly believe it.  Then the next minute a loved one dies or someone is diagnosed with a disease that will alter their lives... and yet we still believe God is good.  How does that work?  We have to remember that we need to rethink "good."  Sometimes it's not pretty.  It's not easy or what we think would be best or what we really want.  I really think good is scary and powerful and strong and nothing like what churchy "good" would look like.  "Good" is the ultimate, it's final.  It's truth.  It's open and real.  And apparently, a lot of times, not easy to deal with!

Anyway, it's a scary thing to think that we have a situation, we pray and hope God answers in the way we see as "good."  To know that He is ultimately the only one who understands and sees good for what it is.  For us as believers I think it's an exercise in faith to pray with that understanding that God owes us nothing.  He knows what's best and why.   It could hurt.