It's been three weeks since my sister's husband died. I've been doing a lot of praying since then. And a ton of writing in my notebook. There is a patch from yesterday that I think relates to the idea of faith and art and why we create in the first place.
...I'm conflicted because one moment I seem to "get" that this life is temporary. I mean, I don't just acknowledge it but really fully feel it. This world and this life is only a very bad copy of what we're created to be and of the reality that God exists in.
I sense it so strongly sometimes that I almost feel like I could go out and kick the car in the driveway and it would crumble up like tissue paper. And if I blew into the air the clouds would part and the sky would ripple like a curtain - that's how strong a sense of falseness I have at times about this life. But then I stick out my foot and rest it on the coffee table. And realize how hard and solid it is. And the …
"...in the dark" = Because I'm creating and thinking about something completely unexpected and unfamiliar.
How we got here:
Family history on both sides of breast and ovarian cancer including both
grandmothers; one survived and one had a second diagnosis of bilateral breast cancer and died seven years later of metastatic breast cancer. Also a male relative diagnosed with breast cancer in his 40s.
Starting Oct 2015 on through Oct 2017, I had two biopsies, was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 42, had BRCA lab testing, a lumpectomy, six weeks of radiation, follow-up mammograms and appointments and was given the all-clear.
I had been referred to the Department of Human Genetics at Cincinnati Children's for a cancer syndrome panel and had appointment this past January. They realized my original BRCA test was incomplete and added it to the panel. Results back about three weeks ago. My BRCA1 result paired with our family history means high risk for recurrence of breast…
"The journey homewards. Coming home. That's what it's all about. The journey to the coming of the Kingdom. That's probably the chief difference between the Christian and the secular artist – the purpose of the work, be it story or music or painting, is to further the coming of the Kingdom, to make us aware of our status as children of God, and to turn our feet toward home."– Madeleine L'Engle, Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art Oh man, do I love this book. But it's been a while since I read it and I realize I let the house renovations and the illness crowd out the creativity over the last year.
I actually love re-making our house. I love the painting, tiling, taking down walls, re-configuring... just really like making a small, older-but-not-old-enough-to-be-cool 1989 house into something more cozy and giving it some character. But last fall I got knocked off track with the breast cancer diagnosis. Which is completely understandable and unavoid…