FYI

If you check out the blog today and things are a little wonky? It's due to the fact that I'm adjusting the template and playing with settings to get the most out of this site. I promise the sidebar won't always show up at the bottom and other nonsense.

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Art journaling in the dark.

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"...in the dark" = Because I'm creating and thinking about something completely unexpected and unfamiliar.


How we got here:

Family history on both sides of breast and ovarian cancer including both grandmothers; one survived and one had a second diagnosis of bilateral breast cancer and died seven years later of metastatic breast cancer. Also a male relative diagnosed with breast cancer in his 40s.

Starting Oct 2015 through Oct last year, I was had double biopsies, was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 42, had BRCA lab testing, a lumpectomy, six weeks of radiation, follow-up mammograms and appointments and was given the all-clear. I had been referred to the Department of Human Genetics at Cincinnati Children's for cancer syndrome panel and had appointment this past January. They realized my original BRCA test was incomplete and added it to panel. Results back about three weeks ago. My BRCA1 result paired with our family history means high risk for recurrence of bre…
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Being brave.

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If you put shame in a petri dish, it needs three ingredients to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence, and judgement. If you put the same amount of shame in the petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can't survive. – Brene Brown

It's been a while since I've written because some of how I've been thinking and feeling is not pleasant. I've been a bit sad, and a little scared, and a more angry than I'd have imagined I might be.

I've been ashamed of my feelings then been irritated by my shame. Throughout the process of feeling these things, I'm praying and trusting God. But there's this belief deep inside of me – a belief I don't remember anyone verbalizing or ever applying to anyone else – a belief that if I'm trusting God and believe He is who and what He claims to be, then I wouldn't be feeling these things. Therefore my emotions must be an indicator that I'm not trusting. Which irritates me all over again and makes me defensive becau…
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Again! Again!

Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, "Do it again"; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead.
For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, "Do it again" to the sun; and every evening, "Do it again" to the moon.
It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them.
It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we. ― G.K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy
I like that last sentence a lot:  ... for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.
That rings true to me, this idea that death involves growing old mentally as well as physica…
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